Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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