i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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