hotel room ftw
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
