you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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