I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just found puke in my bra..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
