It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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