the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
