i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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