Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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