so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
