i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am one with the molecules
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
