my sisters under your porch take her home
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
