My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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