My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
