i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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