She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
