mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
