i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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