Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
