i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
