i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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