i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize