so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How external is "for external use only"?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize