I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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