in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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