I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
