but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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