I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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