Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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