3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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