Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
