and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
