I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
