So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
