I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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