She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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