My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
