I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
