No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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