It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
