Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
