the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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