our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
