Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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