I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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