I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
