wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
