you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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