No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
