My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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