Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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