break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
