Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
