Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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