hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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