You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
