Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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