first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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