is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
