Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
