I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
