you win again, gameday.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize