Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
