I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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