I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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