You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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