I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
