The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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