My liver just broke up with me...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
