Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
