Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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