the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
