Michael Bay diarrhea
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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