So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
