is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
bring money and cleavage
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
