Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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