dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
