i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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