i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Someone came in the potted fern
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
