Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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