do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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