Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
