Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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