She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
