Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
