TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
