just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
