if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
