OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please come you make the beer taste better
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
