im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
