You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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