ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
