His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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